I've been thinking a lot lately about how I allow certain negative words to spill out of my mouth. I'm not talking about swear words (although God knows I could do better at that, too), but such commonly uttered phrases as "I don't...", "I can't...", and "I'm not."
Long ago I decided I wasn't good at math. Why did I do that? I always got good grades in math and was always the one nominated to figure out the dinner bill among friends. And if you know me at all you've heard me proudly proclaim, "I don't run!" but in elementary school I was the fastest girl in my class and gave the boys quite the chase (I wish this was a euphemism, but I'm being quite literal). To this day I confuse the terms "artistic" and "creative," constantly labeling myself as "not creative," while being skilled at problem-solving, and even writing this here blog.
Now, don't get me wrong. One of the greatest things about growing up is learning what you do, and more importantly what you don't, like or have an aptitude for. And that's a fabulous thing! I don't like pickles. I can't remember the names of things. I'm not into video games. We make choices. We try things. This folds into the fabric of who we are.
The difference is when we begin to limit ourselves with these antipathies.
I've actually thought before, after years of thinking marathon runners were certifiably insane, that maybe a 5k charity run (or walk) would be fun. Get outside, stretch my legs, live a little. But inevitably the voice in the back of my head chimes in, "I don't run." And so far I've allowed that voice to win. I haven't gone backpacking or returned to skiing because "I'm not adventurous or sporty." But I bet if I gave myself the chance, I'd really love both those things.
Of course, as women, we are more likely to cut ourselves down before we even begin, to presume our skill level as well as our prospective enjoyment. It's less that we actually believe we're not capable than that there's so much negative, suppressive energy projected at us, that we begin at very young ages to believe it. As a result, we put ourselves right into our own boxes and tie a pretty little bow on top, proclaiming, "I'm so not into ____________, it's the worst," or "I could never!"
So in 2018, while I know there's no way to eradicate these words or thoughts from my vocabulary and very being, I want to at least be more self-aware of when I'm doing it. To challenge myself to peek out of, and occasionally even break down those invisible barriers. To focus on all the things I am good at, and to continue to build those skills. And when that voice in the back of my head starts to whine, to tell it to f*** off. I encourage you to join me. Then maybe in 2019 I can focus on the swearing.
In 2017, I...
Hiked Diamondhead, swam in a waterfall, and chilled with sea turtles in Hawaii with Britt
Cast spells in Hogsmeade
Hugged farewell as several friends moved away from the bay
And while we're on the topic, got to meet our favorite book club author
Kept on calling this magical, crazy, beautiful city home for the 5th year
Got promoted to Manager
Toasted to 30 many times over...
Brittany
James
Ashley
Shawn
Ari
Choreographed and performed a baller nostalgic dance for my best friend
Helped make a watermelon explode by rubber bands alone
Did acroyoga, terrifyingly, for the first time
Got lots of baby and doggy cuddles!
Laughed my ass off at the magical lighthouse
Won the office kickball tournament (shocked the hell out of me) #tourists
Tried to smile as Kasey moved out of the apartment
Was reunited at this beloved table with my adoptive Italian family
Transformed into my favorite Disney princess
Tried to do good in the world by organizing volunteering events at work that benefit children, disaster victims, the homeless, and more
Got down with our bad selves while celebrating Alex and Maryana in Puerto Vallarta
Upped my points game, and got almost all my flights this year free
Persuaded Box's Women's Network to sponsor WILpower, providing scholarships for more women to participate in this transformative program
Celebrated love at both Ian and Maryana's weddings
Finally got to see the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree!
Not rang but sang in the new year
Trips
- Oahu, Hawaii
- Los Angeles, CA
- Ukiah, CA
- Denver, CO
- Whiskeytown, CA
- Austin, TX
- Chicago, IL
- Lake Berryessa, CA
- New York, NY
- Pescadero, CA
- England (London) and Italy (Calabria and Sicily)
- Puerto Vallarta, Mexico
- Guerneville, CA
- New York, NY
This year was quite slow for shows (I think I substituted live theater)...but I'm already looking forward to two big names next year!
- Dua Lipa @ GAMH
- DJ Snoopadelic (aka Snoop Dog) @ Bill Graham
- Aquilo @ The Chapel
- Meditating (Download Headspace now! Seriously, try it!)
- Buddha bowls (I know I'm really starting to sound like a hippie now, but these are just delicious)
- Non-fiction (Who knew! I've learned so much.)
Good to meet you, 2018. Let's go get it!
