Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Kesselmania: Puerto Vallarta

While there's only so much you can publish on the internet about a bachelorette party, with Maryana and Alex's wedding come up so soon, I felt I should at least water down the tequila and share some highlights.  This trip was unique, as the couple decided to do a joint pre-wedding celebration, with everyone in one place on the same weekend, both hanging out together and also carving out time for the separation of the sexes. 


We stayed at Secrets, which was an adults-only, all-inclusive paradise of a resort.  Panoramic views from the balcony, a jacuzzi tub, and free all-night room service were among Brittany's and my favorite things.  Oh, and the room was mostly purple, which just tickled me.

A few had arrived a day early and were already in full relax mode when we got in.

That first evening was the all white party, and we dined on a balcony at the edge of the beach at sunset.  Not everyone was acquainted, so we went around the table introducing ourselves and telling a story about the couple, or telling how we had met.  Gifts were given, toasts were made, and there was generally a lot of love in the air.

We wanted to take full advantage of the all-inclusive resort, so we headed next to their "club," which was really a fully-lit game room with some open space for dancing in the back.  We dubbed it "teen club," as it felt like the wannabe space they put aside on a cruise for those awkwardly in between Mickey and margs.  Upon our arrival, the bartenders and "DJ" kicked into gear, and as a group of 15, we brought the party.

There was a lot of boa dancing, an impromptu limbo competition, uncontrollable twerking, fiances precariously lifted overhead by zealous friends, a barrage of twirling, and plenty of shots of tequila to grease the dancefloor. 

The next day was the big split.  Ladies' day started with breakfast, moved on to the (seriously amazing) spa with hydrotherapy and massages, and later had us sipping cocktails and playing bachelorette games in the pool.

 My first foam party!
It felt half like a frat party and half like I needed a rubber ducky.

It's hard to be completely separate when you're staying at an all-inclusive resort, so we ran into the guys a few times throughout the day.  This photo was taken right before one of them lost his wedding ring in the sand, only to have an entire army of beach salesmen diving into to help search.  Don't worry, it was found! 

Playing Hubba Bubba

That evening, we got all gussied up for our big night out. 

Team Bride

A hibachi restaurant was actually one of the all-inclusive options, which was a fun way to kick off the evening.  Next, we sang a few songs of karaoke in the hotel lobby (things like I Kissed a Girl, PYT, and Man, I Feel Like a Woman) before heading to a club downtown.


The club we chose was Mandala, which was waterfront, big and open, and had at least five other bachelorette parties there that night.   There were some dares, a whole lot of tequila, and that feeling unique to bachelorette parties: that anything could happen. 


At a certain point, I got a tap on my shoulder, and surprisingly, one of the guys from our group pulled me aside and asked if they could share a small corner of the club!  We relented, and the whole evening became even more interesting, with the girls and guys in different sections, periodically mingling, sure we didn't want them watching us, and not sure if we should be keeping a watch on them.  

It's a testament to Maryana and Alex's relationship that a set-up like that could work so amenably!

Going home in the taxi was pretty hilarious, with Maryana asking the cab driver if his name was Fernando, to her ecstasy finding out it was actually Jesus, this sparking a rant about Christianity and Judaism, next switching into Spanlishitaliano before promptly asking his name again. 

We only had three nights at the hotel, but Brittany and I had developed a nightly (or should I say early-morning) routine:
  1. Order all the room service
  2. Take a jacuzzi bubble bath while waiting for said room service
  3. Eat quesadillas in bed or on the balcony
Evidence: bubble trail to mini fridge

One quote I can't explain but must include for posterity's sake: "He knows me!" -Maryana

I didn't think I'd like an inclusive resort as much as I did.  The food was quite good, and it saved so much time and energy not having to fret over bills (especially with such a large group!).  Next time I go to PV, though, I'd love to see more of the town!

Against all sanity, after our big night out we got on a boat.  Everyone kept it together, and we got to blast tunes, snorkel with and feed fish, eat fresh-made guacamole and ceviche, and feel the wind in our hair.

El Capitan

Back at the hotel that afternoon, everyone did their own thing, and after Brittany and I napped for awhile, we had a blast watching the storm while we danced around to Imagine Dragon's ThunderIt was a low-key evening, our last at the resort, and we enjoyed a Mexican dinner and a pretty riveting game of partnered Cards Against Humanity (solid third place, Kostya!). 

Honestly one of the highlights of the trip took place at the airport, while dining at the renowned Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.  I still had a customized game of Scattergories in my bag that we hadn't had the opportunity to play on ladies' day, so I pulled it out.  One of the bridesmaids, Yana, was such a wildcard; her responses had us laughing so hard, I swear I almost bust a gut!  I honestly cannot remember laughing harder in the last year. 

Some of her gems:
  • Husband traits: Repetitive motions
  • Belongs in the bedroom: Rick Ross (2 points!)
  • Wedding tradition: Rakata (a reggaton song none of us had heard of)
  • Wedding mishap: Someone farts
  • Something men love: Sloppy seconds (Double-pointer, again!)
I cried multiple times.

By the end of the weekend, we were all tuckered out!  It was an amazing way to send these two off into marriage, surrounded by loving friends, laughter, and warm and fuzzy (if not just fuzzy) memories!

Sign of a good time

Don't worry though-you can't hold this one down for long!

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